You know the economy is failing when you can’t whore out your own baby. And it looks like Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are going to continually supply me with material whether I like it or not. (“Not” is the answer to that question.)

Seems these two douche bags can’t get any tabloids or magazines to pony up some money for exclusive pics of baby Brooklyn Nemo, or whatever the hell its name is. Apparently Wentz and Simpson covers don’t move magazines.

Maybe Wentz should just start charging cover to see the baby in person since he claims that there’s a non-stop surge of people lining up to get a glimpse of the little turd machine.  

Slow news days make me bitter.

I swear this is my last Ashlee Simpson/Pete Wentz post. Of course I swore every Zima was my last, but it wasn’t until they stopped making it that I switched over to Boone’s Farm.

Anyway, Pete told Details that after some embarrassing nude photos appeared on the internet in 2006 (embarrassing for both him and everyone else in the world), Ashlee Simpson called him up and made him feel better.

That must have been easy. Ashlee: “So your cocktail sausage is on the internet. Big deal. Try having a dumb whore for a sister who is more famous than you are. And have you seen my nose lately? Why don’t you come over and we can watch Jungle Book and try to come up with some baby names?”

Let’s just make this an all-Simpson Thanksgiving. First of all, it appears I’ve been spelling Ashlee Simpson’s name wrong this whole time. But apparently so did the cover of OK! Magazine, and now someone from the mag is getting fired because of how that dipshit spells her name. I should have figured that walking advertisement for nose jobs would have some kind of obnoxious spelling.

In other tales of predictable Simpson stupidity, Russian movie star Jessica recently visited a Nike store and asked the sales associate where the Adidas sweatpants were. When the store employee told here they were probably at the Adidas Store, Jessica thought he was joking.

Fuck. If there is one thing you would think Jessica could do right, it would be something like shopping. She probably goes to dollar-only stores and keeps asking the clerks how much everything is.

Anyway, everyone have a great Thanksgiving and feel better knowing that no matter how shit-faced you get tonight, you’ll still be smarter than the entire Simpson clan, except maybe Bronx.

I try not to post blogs about the same topic two days in a row, but Pete Wentz makes it so easy.

Today Wentz reacted to the “controversy” surrounding the name of the unfortunate child, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, that Ashley Simpson finally pooped out this week.

“I feel weird,” Wentz told Ryan Seacrest, “people have all these idea of what (the name) means now. I think it’s kind of cool to leave the narrative the way it is. People are stoked or pissed or whatever… I don’t think anybody knows the real story of why or how.”

He then goes on to compare the birth to some kind of Hollywood douche club: “It’s like opening a new spot in L.A. Everyone’s trying to get in every night– they’re like, ‘No, I know Pete, kind of.’”

So let me get this straight, there are people out there who are either pissed about the baby’s name, excited about the baby’s name, or so “stoked” that they are showing up at the Wentz household and lying just to lay eyes on the little turd? Yeah, right.

But if this is true, it makes me feel much better about my life of laying on the couch all day watching reruns of Sally Jesse Raphael and masturbating to Thighmaster commercials.

Famous people are so stupid. Even when they are being original, they’re just copying other famous people.

And so when you get two idiots together and they make a baby, they come up with names like Bronx Mowgli Wentz because it’s what everybody else is doing.

This is the actual name Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz gate their child after they finally negotiated with the fetus and convinced it to come out. (And by “negotiated,” I mean ripped it from the womb. The little sucker held on tight too, I bet.)

It’s a new game! Take the place you were last arrested and you’re favorite Disney cartoon character and that’s your celebrity baby name!

On the Ellen DeGeneres Show, Jessica Simpson told Ellen that her sister, Ashley, was about to induce labor because the baby refuses to come out. I guess we know that the baby is already smatter than Jessica.  

“They’re going to have to. It’s already developing really quick,” said Jessica. Jessica then said that Ashley and her husband Pete Wentz have tried other ways to get the thing out: “Different foot massages and stuff. I don’t know. I think she’s really just jumping around trying everything right now.”

That’s how we do it where I’m from, Indiana. We make the pregnant women jump around until the baby falls out. If that doesn’t work, we give foot massages. If that doesn’t work, we induce labor via the trauma of having to listen to Ashley Simpson sing. Ironic.