See what happens when all you read about is mindless celebrity gossip? Your brain turns to mush. Later I’m going to do some research and find out exactly what this “President” person does.

Anyway, it appears Obama’s presidential inauguration is shaping up quite nicely. The list of musical performers includes Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Bono, Garth Brooks (still alive!), Sheryl Crow, Herbie Hancock, John Legend, John Mellencamp, Usher, Shakira, Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, Will.i.am, and Stevie Wonder, as well as others.

It reads like the guest list to my last birthday party, just substitute all the celebrity names with the names of my Care Bears. Oh, but keep Will.i.am. He showed up but didn’t bring a gift.

Beyonce has graciously volunteered to help the Obama presidency by offering to perform at the inauguration.

“I can’t wait,” she said. “I, all of us, we’re ready to do whatever we have to do. Whatever they want– if they need me to volunteer, they need me to sing, I’m there, and I’m ready. I’ve never been so patriotic! I’m just beyond excited.”

Wow, the Presidential Inauguration Committee just dodged a big bullet because I’m sure they needed someone to step up and volunteer to sing. Reportedly, they are also asking Beyonce to bring enough potato salad for at least 200,000 people. They have also told her that “it would be really great” if she could stay behind and help clean up after.

For her upcoming album, I am Sasha Fierce. Wouldn’t it just have been easier to call the new record, I am Beyonce Knowles?

No. Too easy. And since Beyonce assumes that someone in America cares, she released the following statement explaining the name change:

“I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work and when I’m on stage, this alter ego that I’ve created that kind of protects me and who I really am. Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage.”

So there you go. No word yet on whether she’s also the new Vivid Video contract girl.