Amy Winehouse has been terrorizing guests and staff at a posh spa resort in the Caribbean. Intended on being part of a “health kick,” the trip has turned into a nightmare for all involved.

Despite an agreement between Amy’s management and the resort staff to ban alcohol service to Winehouse, she keeps getting a hold of drinks anyway she can. According to one source: “We keep catching her crawling past bars or hiding behind chairs. She grabs guests’ drinks and runs off, like a squirrel with a nut.”

She’s also been smoking joints by the pool, prone to violent mood swings, throwing herself at every man she can, and much to the horror of everyone, hanging out on her balcony playing the guitar topless. And now Winehouse has announced that she’s expanding her two-week vacation for two more months.

I have nothing to add to this except… wait a second. Who the fuck took my beer? It was right here a second ago… It couldn’t have just vanished… AMMMMYYYY!!!!!!!!

First Tim McGraw dispenses his own brand of redneck justice, now Amy Winehouse steps into the ring with her Crack Slap Power Punch. At Glastonbury this weekend Winehouse punched a fan who grabbed her breasts. He’s lucky that his hand didn’t get caught in her hair and eaten off by the squirrels that live there and guard her meth.

That doesn’t involve assault with an ashy elbow…. Amy called Kanye West a “cunt” on stage on Glastonbury. “Let’s hear it for Jay-Z,” Winehouse told the crowd. “The man has got bollocks to come here, and play the tunes you don’t even know you remember. Imagine if it was a cunt like Kanye West. ‘Cunts Like Kanye’ - that should be his next album title.” Sounds like a diva throwdown in the making. I could also venture a guess that every song ever written is a tune that Amy Winehouse doesn’t even know she remembers.