Apparently, there aren’t younger, less manly women willing to sleep with Alex Rodriguez. Maybe A-Rod just likes them bat-shit crazy. Maybe he’s just drunk off whatever the hell they put in Kabbalah water. 

Or maybe this is the first time A-Rod’s ever been in love. Did you bastards ever think about that? My first girlfriend was over 500 pounds, had a mustache and went by the name George, but I loved that woman with all my heart. And all her friends could do was criticize and tell her that she could do better.

So, now that I think about it, I’m with A-Rod on this one. Besides Madonna recently told a friend that A-Rod “has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body.” Sounds like love to me, haters.

George once said that I had the brain of a chipmunk trapped inside the body of a pelican. I miss her so much.

According to multiple sources, Madonna and A-Rod have been spending a lot of time together. He went to her show. She went to his game. They both worked out at the gym. A-Rod’s also been spied leaving Madonna’s pad at midnight. Since they are both married, I’m sure this is just some whacky misunderstanding involving lots of hi-jinks and going-ons. I can only imagine the shenanigans these two have been up to. That A-Rod and Madonna. What cards!