Michael Jackson continues to slowly worm his way back into our lives like that slimy ex who swears they have changed and will never ever again accidentally give you the clap.

First there are rumors of a new tour with the Jackson Five. Then there are confirmed reports that Jack-O is working on a new album. Now comes news out of New York that they are developing a Broadway Musical based on “Thriller,” specifically the video for the song.

If they want to make a Broadway play based on a music video, then they should make it based on the one below.

Thriller the Musical is still in early development stages, so don’t get too excited for singing zombies just yet. And always remember to wear a condom.

While performing “I Kissed a Girl” at the MTV Mexico Latin Awards, Katy Perry pulled of some hilarious shenanigans by slipping on her prop cake icing over and over and over and over again.

Sometimes when I’m bored I watch Telemundo skit shows for the hot chicks, and let me say that this must be the funniest shit ever on Mexican television.

(By the way, do you think Perry is sick of performing “I Kissed a Girl” yet? Does she have any other songs?)

Anyway, the video is below and starts with Perry licking some icing, then diving headfirst into the giant cake. Which is exactly like a dream I had last night, except it was Bea Arthur, and she was diving into a vat of rice pudding. Yowzer!

As you may know, Oasis members Liam and Noel Gallagher were attacked by deranged fan at a recent show in Toronto (video below).

Noel, who took the brunt of the attack, was shoved offstage from behind. Security managed to restrain the psycho before he attacked Liam.

Liam is pissed off nonetheless and told a reporter regarding the incident, “It’s not nice when you look down and see your brother on the deck. If it was up to me, I’d have cut his dick off and made him eat it.”

Whoa! Easy there, Liam. Isn’t it obvious the guy was in a state of distress just being at your show in the first place? No need to subject him to your penis nibbling fetish as well.  

Joy of joys, Britney Spear’s new single has been released today.

I really feel like my weeks of collaboration with Brit have resulted in a solid piece of music. I don’t know if if was the inspirational letters I wrote her every day, the endless phone calls, or the hopping over her backyard fence and trying to elude her rather violent and large security guards. Whatever I did, it paid off big time!  

I do have to say I am a bit disappointed that she didn’t use my suggested title, “Biscuit to Mars,” but “Womanizer” will do just fine. And this song has nothing to do with what the dog voices in my head suggested, but that’s okay. Those are my doggy demons, and I will deal with them.

So now that this is finally released, I can end my hunger strike, shave off my beard, and try to get out of this straight jacket they put me in.

We’ve already covered vagina, and now Somecodes.com presents Andy Allen’s “The Breast Song.” Does anyone else see a pattern here?

This is like John Denver, if John Denver was a pervert. But it’s about so much more than breasts! Also covered– Bruce Hornsby, caribou urine, and Elisabeth Shue (hence the lovely pic.)

Enjoy. But not at work.

Celebrities are so narcissistic.

Here is Lily Allen adding to the world’s glut of superfluous “entertainment” by talking about absolutely nothing on her video blog. 

As if we care. As if we would waste our time watching this. What does she expect? Someone take the time to post it on a website, and perhaps even write some irreverent commentary? Oh, shit. Never mind.

Anyway, it appears Allen hired Diddy’s videographer. But, Allen did manage to out-douche Diddy by deciding to eat while she filled us in on her life fabulous life.

Watch it for the dogs. They do tricks.

“Pop sensation” (the PA announcer’s words, not mine) Kat Deluna butchered the National Anthem before this week’s Monday Night Football game between Dallas and Philadelphia.

And yes, she’s absolutely horrible.

Manufactured Disney pop stars should never sing anything live. She would have been better off lip synching Rossanne Barr and Tom Arnold’s version.  

You know Tony Romo’s girlfriend is somewhere in Texas Stadium cringing. That’s right, Kat, you make Jessica Simpson puke.

The good news for Kat was that the game was on ESPN. The bad news for Kat is that it’s 2008, and everybody has cable. The game set a ratings record for ESPN.

After her performace, Kat was offered a job at the Outback Steakhouse in the stadium. Take it, Kat! Take it!

This week Great Moments in Bad Music History brings us “I Wanna Love You Tender,” by…. who the hell knows? According to YouTube its from Sweden, the same folks who brought us meatballs, Ikea, and those delicious candy fish.   

This video looks like George Lucas’ wet dream. Old George Lucas, before he ruined everything.

The only thing that angers me about this clip is that the dancers stole my horse gallop move. The Pony Express, as I call it, is a real panty dropper at the club. Yes sir, a real panty dropper. 

Don’t get too excited teenage hippies. The four members of Phish briefly reunited on Saturday, but only to play the wedding for their former road manager.

Of course the rumors are now swirling round the rumor tornado that Phish will actually get back together. It’s happened before. After playing a wedding in 2002, the band got back together and went on tour following a long hiatus.

Below is some video of the wedding. I suggest you watch it after dropping acid and not showering for three days. Feels good doesn’t it? Now can I interest you in some grilled cheese, brother? (Trust me, that makes complete sense if you’re stoned.)

Yesterday my dog and I settled in to watch the VMAs and were disappointed to learn that VMA stands for “Video Music Awards” not the “Veterinary Medicine Awards.”

Britney Spears somehow won three moon men for “Piece of Me.” What luck for Brit, because apparently the producers just pull the winners out of a hat. I made my dog watch the video on Youtube, and he threw up Kibbles and Bits all over my keyboard. 

If you missed the VMAs, here’s a quick recap: Britney is hot again; The Jonas Brothers are virgins, Russell Brand is not; Michael Phelps is officially overexposed; Jordin Sparks has no sense of humor; some chick in yellow pants sang; and then I went to bed. The good news is that MTV will probably rerun the show continually for the next six months, so you’ll have plenty of opportunities to wonder why, after growing up in show business, Britney Spears doesn’t know how to hold a microphone.