See what happens when all you read about is mindless celebrity gossip? Your brain turns to mush. Later I’m going to do some research and find out exactly what this “President” person does.

Anyway, it appears Obama’s presidential inauguration is shaping up quite nicely. The list of musical performers includes Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Bono, Garth Brooks (still alive!), Sheryl Crow, Herbie Hancock, John Legend, John Mellencamp, Usher, Shakira, Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, Will.i.am, and Stevie Wonder, as well as others.

It reads like the guest list to my last birthday party, just substitute all the celebrity names with the names of my Care Bears. Oh, but keep Will.i.am. He showed up but didn’t bring a gift.

In other mom news this week, a year after being a complete dick and firing his own mother, Jonetta Patton, Usher has decided to rehire her. When Usher says no crust on his peanut butter and jelly, you better believe he means it. If I had known you can just fire family members, I would have had my mom replaced with Jane Badler back when I was nine. She played Diana on V, that show about aliens. She was steamy like a Hot Pocket, and the bitch ate rats. And she was always getting into hot lizard-lady cat fights with Lydia. Jesus, I’m a nerd.