First Queen, now the Grateful Dead. At least their band name is a bit more appropriate, but the Grateful Dead are getting back together, sans Jerry Garcia of course, to perform a show in Pittsburgh or Philadelphia in order to “raise awareness” about Barack Obama.

If you’re like most people, you’re saying to yourself, “I know who Barack Obama is. Why do I need some old band to tell me?” However, if you’re a Deadhead, then you probably think Obama is some kind of potent shit that your cousin may or may not be able to get a hold of for Saturday night.  

What’s next? Are the Beatles going to get back together with just Paul and… wait a second… is Ringo still alive? Somebody let me know.

From the “Where Are They Now, Even Though the Lead Singer is Dead?” file, which is a really fucking long name for a file…

Queen, yes that Queen, is releasing a new album soon. Apparently, Freddie Mercury being dead is a minor inconvenience as he’s been replaced by some dude named Paul Rogers. “The Cosmos Rocks” will be out in the US on Oct. 28^th.

I still don’t get how can you replace Freddy Mercury and still call yourself “Queen.” In other completely unrelated news, I’m reforming the Jimi Hendrix Experience by replacing Jimi Hendrix with myself and the Experience with my Fisher Price Rainforest Rainbow Piano.

Fredy Miler, ?????

If any music video ever summed up the three universal truths of being a man, it’s this one by Fredy Miler, a guy whose parents were remarkably consistent at misspelling names.

1. Even in Eastern Europe men mourn broken relationships by playing pinball in their buddy’s empty rec room.

2. Need to spice up your outfit? Try a vest!

3. And, no matter what, real men don’t shave between their eyes. Ever.

Times is tough. First Diddy has to fly commercial, now Jay-Z has to sell the 40/40 Club in Vegas. Jay Z’s Palazo club is closing down after only eight months of existence. It’s been plagued by troubles since it opened, including a failed inspection and disgruntled employees.   

I can sympathize. I also had to close down a few businesses this year. First my E Clothes company went belly up. It worked like Netflix, but with clothes. (You order a shirt, wear it, then send it back for another article of clothing.) Then my sushi restaurant went under. Apparently, the Board of Health had a problem with the sushi being served via backpack-wearing gerbils.

But don’t worry, Jay Z still plans to open 40/40 Clubs in Chicago, Tokyo, and Macau. And I still have a sushi place in Indianapolis, although I’m hearing rumors that the gerbils are becoming disgruntled.

He Haw! or whatever you Alabamians say. Lynyrd Skynyrd is planning on releasing a new album in the ’09.

For those of you who are too young to know who in the hell Lynyrd Skynyrd is, just drive down to your nearest trailer park. It’s the music you hear blasting out of every double-wide.

Apparently the band is currently on tour with Kid Rock. Just hearing that makes me want to down a bag of pork rinds and make out with my cousin.  

This is why we need to come up with an alternative fuel source, right now! May I suggest thermal energy gleaned from burning copies of Da Band’s album?

Diddy released this video blog that was apparently shot by the same cameraman from Cloverfield. In it, Diddy complains that gas prices are “too motherfucking high,” and that it costs him $250,000 a month just to fly his private jet from New York to LA.

Remember when it was only like $75,000 a month to fly your private jet coast to coast? Diddy’s so flustered he can’t figure out how douchey he wants his hat to look.

Heidi Montag unleashed the fourth sign of the apocalypse today. (If you believe that Demi Moore movie, that means Heidi’s got three videos left before Armageddon.)

Like a true professional, Heidi posted the video on her website before the music was synced up to the video correctly. So besides being absolutely craptastic, the video is plays in slow motion and lasts a good five minutes past the music.

When I was younger my basset hound, Ed Earl, would tell me to kill people. After watching this, I understand. I understand everything.

I’m not sure this constitutes “music news” being that in involves Jessica Simpson, but homegirl joined the CMA this week in a bid to actually be taken seriously at something. And no, that doesn’t stand for Cock Munchers Association, pervos.

As a member of the Country Music Association, Simpson receives a number of privileges, including health insurance, voting rights for the CMA awards, and a lifetime membership to the Big Lots Buzz Club.

Things are looking up for the less nose-joby Simpson sister. She recently became spokesperson for the Stampede Brewing Company, which features vitamin infused beer, and played her very own show at the Indiana State Fair. Next thing you know, she’ll have her own reality show.    

Barenaked Ladies front man Ed Robertson survived a plane crash Sunday in Canada. That’s right, a freakin’ plane crash. Don’t you win some kind of VMA for that?

Shortly after take off, a gust of wind stalled the plane that Robertson was piloting, and he had to land it in a wooded area, saving his own life and the lives of the other three passengers, including Robertson’s wife. Apparently in pilot school they don’t teach you how do deal with gusts of wind.

When are people going to learn? DO NOT GET IN SMALL PLANES WITH MUSICIANS.  

Terrence Howard admitted to the New York Times that he is bat-shit crazy, in the Kathy Bates, Misery kind of way. He wrote the song “No. 1 Fan” from his new album while stalking his ex:

“It was raining, and I was sitting there in front of the house, watching her come home from a date after we were divorced. I was imagining what she did on this date, and watching her giving him a kiss. I went home and wrote this song.”

Howard’s ex wife also inspired the songs, “Guess Who’s Got A Finger in the Mailbox?,” “Sorry About Your Pet Rabbit,” and “It’s Only Because I Love You (That You’re Tied Up in that Chair, Bitch).”