Britney Spears’ ex-boyfriend, doucharazzi Adnan Ghalib, claims he has a sex tape staring Britney Spears.

“There is such a tape,” Adnan told Heat magazine. “But I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical inquiries. Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further. I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney.”

Reportedly, the sex tape is over two hours long and features Britney wearing a pink wig.

Two hours? Does anybody even want to watch five minutes of this shit? Not me. I’ll stick to my worn Victoria’s Secret catalogue from 1997. Yeah, that’s right. Before they airbrushed the nipples out.