Lily Allen says Lily Allen sucks. Talking about her failed BBC talk show, Lily Allen and Friends, Allen gave herself a generous 5 out of 10.

But, in her words, “I made a lot of money out of it. Thank you, TV license-payers, that was very nice of you. You think Russell Brand is your problem but actually it was me.”

It’s not that I refuse to believe that Lily Allen’s show sucked. It’s that I refuse to believe Lily Allen has any friends. Because I have no friends, and I’m prettier. Okay, that’s not true. I’m not prettier. And my breath smells like baloney and Doritos. And I have an unborn twin brother growing out of my left side.

But at least I still have my dignity.