Kim Kardashian is famous for being Paris Hilton’s friend, which means that she’s two degrees of untalented. Yet, she’s threatening to release a record onto the world, something so undoubtedly crappy that Ryan Seacrest will make us all listen to it. I’m not sure if Kim realizes that you can’t see her ass while listening to her music.

She’s been quoted as saying: “I would be down with starting a pop career, if it was something fun. I love music, so it would just have to be the right thing. I would love to work with Timbaland as a producer and maybe Justin Timberlake.”

And maybe Justin Timberlake? Is that only if you deem him worthy of your talent, Kim? And I’m sure Timbaland has nothing better to do than help you start your fun little pop career. It’s going to be some record. She can’t even be original when dreaming of collaborators. Sheesh.

First Queen, now the Grateful Dead. At least their band name is a bit more appropriate, but the Grateful Dead are getting back together, sans Jerry Garcia of course, to perform a show in Pittsburgh or Philadelphia in order to “raise awareness” about Barack Obama.

If you’re like most people, you’re saying to yourself, “I know who Barack Obama is. Why do I need some old band to tell me?” However, if you’re a Deadhead, then you probably think Obama is some kind of potent shit that your cousin may or may not be able to get a hold of for Saturday night.  

What’s next? Are the Beatles going to get back together with just Paul and… wait a second… is Ringo still alive? Somebody let me know.

From the “Where Are They Now, Even Though the Lead Singer is Dead?” file, which is a really fucking long name for a file…

Queen, yes that Queen, is releasing a new album soon. Apparently, Freddie Mercury being dead is a minor inconvenience as he’s been replaced by some dude named Paul Rogers. “The Cosmos Rocks” will be out in the US on Oct. 28^th.

I still don’t get how can you replace Freddy Mercury and still call yourself “Queen.” In other completely unrelated news, I’m reforming the Jimi Hendrix Experience by replacing Jimi Hendrix with myself and the Experience with my Fisher Price Rainforest Rainbow Piano.

Who knew there was a musician shortage in the US? Thank God for actors. These selfless souls have really stepped up to the plate to save us the pain and misery of a music-barren world until the Britney Spears album comes out next year. Terrence Howard will do his part by releasing an album in September. Terrence says of the album: “I didn’t know going in if the whole album would be just me on guitar and completely acoustic. Then I heard other possibilities, like putting a bass here or strings there.” Man that guy really has his finger on the pulse of today’s youth. I was at Target the other day, and I overheard some teenagers saying, “You know what would be the shit? Some acoustic jams with maybe some other possibilities in there. You know, like strings. Oh! And a bass somewhere too.” Better be sure to baby-wipe those mikes!   

Apparently this is the week of bad musical choices. First, Heidi Montag wants to record a Christian album. Then comes news that Def Leppard is doing a country show with Taylor Swift. Now we learn that Lilly Allen has decided it’s a good idea to do a duet with Lindsay Lohan for her new album. Next thing you know the New Kids on the Block with team up with New Edition or something…. Oh. Wait. Shit….

In New England. On New Year’s Eve. Everybody but Bobby Brown will reunite to sing “Full Service” on the NKOTB upcoming album. Let’s hope New Edition has aged a bit more gracefully than their no-more-talent counterparts. And then let’s hope Katrina and the Waves get back together. Until you’ve heard “Walking on Sunshine” live, you haven’t lived, you pathetic looser.