A few days after Britney Spears announced her new single would be delayed, Kanye West proclaimed his new record is done and ready to go out in November instead of December.

Kanye wrote on his blog:

“I CHANGED MY ALBUM TO NOVEMBER SOMETHING CAUSE I FINISHED THE ALBUM AND I FELT LIKE IT. I WANT YALL TO HEAR IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.”

Britney Spears, inspired by Kanye’s professionalism, then declared that her delayed single, “Womanizer,” would be released two weeks ago, finally proving to Kevin Federline that time travel is possible.

Sigh. It would be ironic if a nuclear war broke out today, the same day that Britney Spears’ new single “Womanizer” was supposed to be released, ushering in a new era of world peace.

Apparently Britney had to “recut” some vocals. In other words, the ROBOVOICE 2800 SYSTEM broke down, and Brit would have had to actually sing on this one.  

Now the single won’t be out until next week. Good thing we have this to play on a continuous loop.

Some radio station played a clip of Britney Spear’s new song, “Womanizer,” and (Horray for the Internet!) it’s online.

The song isn’t going to be released for three more days, but here is a 30-second clip so that you know what it sounds like coming out of an AM radio from down the block.

I recommend you listen to Kat Deluna sing the National Anthem first because then this sounds like the greatest song ever.

I’m sure Britney has already won seven VMAs for this. Who needs to even see the video? Enjoy.

Yes, everybody is excited about Britney Spears getting skinny and hot again, but here’s something about Britney most people don’t know: She sings! Songs!

Britney will unleash her up-until-now unknown voice upon the world on December 2nd, when she releases her album Circus.

I heard she was going to call it Family Circus, but that shit’s already been taken.

The first single will be called “Womanizer.” Be sure to circle September 22nd on your calendars for that. Or, if you’re like Britney, stick a note in your weave.

For some reason, Gwen Stefani let Britney Spears watch her kid this week. I’ve seen the pictures on Oh No They Didn’t, but they have since been taken down.

Nobody wants to see that kind of thing. Gwen’s kid is probably safer staying with Gary Busey.

What’s next? Is she going to let Mel Gibson teach her kid Jewish history?

Letting Britney Spears babysit your kids is like….

Britney has been nominated for an MTV video music award for Video of the Year for “Piece of Me.” She made a video last year? Wasn’t she just running around showing her love muffin while asking people about time travel? Anyway, the video looks pretty bad. I can’t figure out what makes it Video of the Year material. Although I have to confess that I’m no expert. I confused this song with “Pieces of Me” by Ashley Simpson, who I always confuse with Jessica Simpson, who reminds me a lot of Britney Spears, so I guess it really doesn’t make a difference anyway.

Hitting bottom isn’t shaving your hair off or losing custody of your kids to Kevin Federline, hitting bottom is when you’re not classy enough to perform with Kid Rock. Yes, Kid Rock has standards, and apparently Britney Spears doesn’t meet them. Ouch. When Ryan Seacrest asked Kid Rock about the possibility of teaming up with Britney at the VMA awards, Rock responded, “”No! What?! Right. I can give you a definite no on that. In one word: No. In two words, hell, no!” And yes, I’m as surprised as you are the Kid Rock can actually count.