I wasn’t aware the you could actually retire songs, but Justin Timberlake performed “SexyBack” for supposedly the last time at his concert in Las Vegas this weekend: “Justin Timberlake and Friends: A Special Evening Benefiting the Shriners Hospitals for Children.”

The show has already been lauded by critics as the concert with the longest name ever.

While no explanation was offered as far as why Timberlake decided to retire “SexyBack,” he did say that he’s concentrating on writing for other artists rather than his solo career at this point.

Is it really wise for him to retire one of his biggest hits? The guy only has two solo albums. Maybe he’s setting up his third record, “SexyBackAgain.” 

Proving that there is absolutely nothing to do in Canada, Jessica Simpson played to a sold-out audience at the Caesers Windsor casino on Thursday. And when I say “sold out,” I mean full of gamblers who got free tickets.

Predictably, the concert received a scathing review from The Windsor Star. Like recent reviews in other papers, the critic complains about Jessica’s rambling introductions to all of her songs.

At one point, while introducing the spousal-abuse single “Remember That,” Simpson told the audience to walk away if they are in an abusive relationship, adding, “preferably in a pair of Jessica Simpson boots.”

Ah, there’s nothing like exploiting battered women to sell a fashion line. I’m surprised she didn’t tell her audience that if they couldn’t get out of the relationship they could just cut their wrists open using the jagged edge of a broken Blonde Ambition DVD.

Then again, the five people who bought that movie probably already killed themselves after watching it.

As a testament to her ever-growing fame and success, Jessica Simpson performed at the Indiana State Fair in Indianapolis last week. She got the Thursday night slot, right after the hog auction and before the Color Me Badd reunion show. So in lieu of any real news coming out of the Hoosier state, I give you this fact: Jim Davis, author of Garfield, is from Indiana. Feel free to use that at your next cocktail party. 

Poor Dr. Phil. Now that he can no longer summon the almighty power of Oprah, he’s been reduced to a fat, balding shell of his former self. How bad is it? So bad that George Michael called out Dr. Phil in front of thousands of fans at Michael’s concert Wednesday night at the Forum in Los Angeles. After announcing that Dr. Phil was in the audience, George Michael explained to the crowd that Dr. Phil’s wife seemed to be having a good time, but that Dr. Phil “has looked miserable for the last hour.” Then the house cameras caught a shot of Dr. Phil looking dour as advertised, prompting the crowd to boo. “You should see someone for that,” George Michael told the good doctor to thunderous applause. Thankfully, George Michael made it better by serenading him with “Careless Whisper” and then meeting him after the show in the Subway bathroom on Santa Monica and Highland for a complimentary tug job.

After being attacked by fans and media for showing up two hours late for his set at the Bonnaroo music festival (at 4:45 A.M.),  everyone’s favorite pretty, pretty princess, Kanye West, responded in typical diva fashion, posting the following rant on his website:

I am sick of negative people who just sit around trying 2 plot my downfall… Why????  I understand if people don’t like me because I like me or if people think tight clothes look gay or people say I run my mouth to much,  But this Bonnaroo thing is the worst insult I’ve ever had in my life. This is the most offended I’ve ever been… this is the maddest I ever will be. I’m typing so fucking hard I might break my fucking Mac book Air!!!!!!!!   Call me any name you want…. arrogant, conceited, narcissistic, racist, metro, fag whatever you can think of….  BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN’T GIVE MY ALL!   NEVER SAY I DIDN’T GIVE MY ALL!  THIS SHOWS NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO BE GOOD AT SOMETHING THERE WILL BE PEOPLE THERE TO LIE ABOUT YOU AND BRING YOU DOWN!  LIKE WAYNE SAYS PLEASE DON’T SHOOT ME DOWN CAUSE I’M FLYING!  I’M FUCKING HURT BY THIS ONE. ALL I CARE ABOUT ARE THE FANS.  JUST SAY THIS OUT LOUD IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, “KANYE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT GIVING A GOOD PERFORMANCE.”  CAN ANYONE HONESTLY SAY THAT ?????????

It goes on from there. For the record, I just walked into a random room full of people and said out loud, “Kanye doesn’t care about giving a good performance.” The reaction involved a lot of screaming and my eventual arrest. According to my lawyer this has less to do with my statement about Kanye, and more to do with the fact that I was in the women’s locker room at Bally’s.

First Tim McGraw dispenses his own brand of redneck justice, now Amy Winehouse steps into the ring with her Crack Slap Power Punch. At Glastonbury this weekend Winehouse punched a fan who grabbed her breasts. He’s lucky that his hand didn’t get caught in her hair and eaten off by the squirrels that live there and guard her meth.

That doesn’t involve assault with an ashy elbow…. Amy called Kanye West a “cunt” on stage on Glastonbury. “Let’s hear it for Jay-Z,” Winehouse told the crowd. “The man has got bollocks to come here, and play the tunes you don’t even know you remember. Imagine if it was a cunt like Kanye West. ‘Cunts Like Kanye’ - that should be his next album title.” Sounds like a diva throwdown in the making. I could also venture a guess that every song ever written is a tune that Amy Winehouse doesn’t even know she remembers.