I’m sure you’re anxious to know whether or not you made the list. “What list?” you ask. Why, the list Britney Spears’ Dad made of potential dating partners for Brit Brit.

So if you are Chace Crawford, Jesse Metcalf, or Michael Phelps, congratulations, you will be hearing from Britney’s management regarding some very romantic business negotiations. It seems that Larry Rudolph, Brit’s manager, wants to use a new Britney relationship to promote her new album and tour.

So far the only taker has been Benji Madden. He and the Britstress have already gone on some dates. Isn’t that sweet? (I once used my relationship with a fat chick who worked at Long John Silvers to promote my “Nothing but Hushpuppies” diet.)

And I thought it was a slow news day. According to Britain’s Daily Mirror, which is like the National Enquirer on tea and biscuits, Pamela Anderson is dating Michael Jackson.

Yes, that Pamela Anderson and that Michael Jackson. Apparently, they’ve been meeting up for secret dates in Malibu.

The guys who found the Bigfoot in Georgia will be holding a press conference later today to present what they claim is undeniable proof that Anderson and Jackson are involved in any type of relationship that involves touching.

I’ll believe this shit when I see it, and I hope to God that I never do. Great, now I can’t eat my Fruit Loops.