John Mayer reportedly skipped out on Pete Wentz’s art show early because he didn’t want to bump into his ex, Jessica Simpson. Mayer showed up at Gallery1988 to support Pete’s art extravaganza “Without You I’m Just Me,” but left before the VIP portion of the evening began for fear of getting caught up in one of Jessica’s brilliant soliloquies on the nature of art and creativity.

I know that every time I’m invited to a crappy event like a Pete Wentz art show I use the same excuse. “You want me to go see Valkyrie? I’m sorry. I don’t want to bump into Jessica Simpson.”

And with that, I’m riding off into 2009 on my alcohol horse. Happy New Year’s everyone.

While John Mayer’s man-juice receptacle, Jennifer Aniston, is in NYC promoting her new movie about dogs, Sex in the City, I mean, Marley and Me, she has to leave her dogs, Norman and Dolly, back home. All because John Mayer hates dogs.

John Mayer also hated Jessica Simpson’s dog, Daisy. Probably because he couldn’t tell the difference between the two.

Man, I’m realty being nasty so close to Christmas. I’m sorry, and in the spirit of Christmas, I’d really like to apologize for this post. Except John Mayer is a douche, and even Santa hates douches.